Day 220 of 2008

It IS day 220 of 2008.  This year was a leap year, right?…. :\

There isn’t a whole lot of reason for this post today other than work is fairly slow today, I’m technically on my “lunch” break and I have nothing pressing to attend to.  Becky isn’t here today and neither is Kent, so it’s especially quiet today (not saying that they’re LOUD, but… ya know).  Dianna went to Subway and got both of us sandwiches, so now we’re just kind hangin’ out, eating our lunch.  I worked really hard to get my work done Monday thru yesterday planning on not being here tomorrow, which was a good thing because we did decide we’re going to Vegas this weekend.  I had already requested the day off, so I’m going to just take the day off even though Bart has to work.  Hopefully I can get the whole apartment cleaned and maybe do some things that I’ve been meaning to get done and get a few things together for the weekend.  If I do all of that and still have time to kill, then I’ll probably come into work for a while.

Bart’s birthday was Tuesday and although he didn’t have the best day, he did like his present :).  Charlie and Kandis also got him a present, which I was very happy about because I get the impression Bart thinks no one thinks about his birthday.  I can’t say I blame him at all because for the past 9 years, Xoe has basically gotten all the attention on “their” birthday.  It frustrates me more and more every year seeing that the results are basically the same… I’m not saying they need to throw him a huge party and invite clowns and strippers or what not… but he gets very, very minimal attention on that day.  His mom did give him a birthday card and some money (don’t know how much, but really it doesn’t matter), so that was nice.  She definitely doesn’t FORGET that it’s his birthday, I guess birthdays just understandably mean more to a 9 year old than they do to a 23 year old.  Anyway, we went to Xoe’s party at Chuck-E-Cheese and I guess it was fun for a bit, but it didn’t end that fun and I was on the very edge of a possible outburst of frustration, so I think we left at exactly the right moment before I blurted what was on my mind and caused even more problems.  Heh.  Anyway… Yeeeaaah.  Happy Birthday baby

Ok, so… Nine Inch Nails is coming to Utah on September 3rd.  I’m going, over course.  That shouldn’t even be a question, but now I don’t know if I have anyone to go with me.  If I have to go alone, I will, but I would rather have someone to go WITH.  Emily and Sam are probably not going to be able to go now and I really wish I could just afford to buy all three of our tickets :(.  I really do wish I could because I REALLY want them to see him live.  I went maybe 2 years ago (is that when he was here last?) and it was by far the BEST concert I have ever been to and he’s just amazing.  Amazing!  I’m excited for the event either way, but we’ll see if I can dig up some participants before then.  Maybe, just maybe, I might even be able to talk Bart into going ;).  Heidi has a friend, Sean (“Toast”) that is going to the show in Colorado and then basically following Trent to Utah, so I may meet up with him so I just have someone to stand by and look like I have a friend.

I am now in week 5 of the Biggest Loser Challenge and although I’m not exactly where I’d LIKE to be at this point in the challenge (weight wise), I’m not fully discouraged.  Although I’m not using it as an excuse, but definitely realize that because of having to deal with cracked ribs, I definitely had a significant obsticle preventing me from doing my absolute best.  At least I haven’t GAINED any weight in these 5 weeks.  So far in the five weeks, I’ve lost 4 lbs.  HAHA.  That does make a total weight loss so far of 16 lbs since I started on Sparkpeople and made the decision to change my nutritional lifestyle.  I definitely feel better than I have in a long time though.  1. I’m sleeping better, 2. I have more energy and I’m HAPPIER (probably because of #1 and 2 :p)  I have definitely noticed that my every day moods have greatly improved.  My ribs have really almost completely healed and I’m able to do regular workouts now.  They only hurt when I’m getting up (like getting out of bed in the morning) and if I lift my arms too high above my head, stuff like that… so, I can’t do sit ups, which was a regular part of my workout routine, but everything else seems ok and I don’t need pain killers anymore.  I definitely hope I never have to deal with cracked/broken ribs again.  It’s been like 6 1/2 weeks since it happened and I’m still not 100% functional LOL.  I am grateful I can breathe though.  Breathe and bend.  Woohoo!  The things we take for granted… tsk tsk.

I do have some work to do now!  Not really mine, it’s Becky’s, haha… but, since she’s not here, I’m doing it.  Toodaloo.

Light at the end…

I’ve been feeling really down lately about not being able to work out the way I want to.  I tried a couple times last week and the week before and majorly regretted it.  I ended up going to the doctor on Thursday begging for something to help with the pain other than lortab, which basically just puts me to sleep.  He prescribed Naproxin and said to keep taking the Lortab IF I felt I still needed it.  I definitely think the Naproxin is helping tremendously because I can BREATHE now.  If I take it as I should be (twice a day, so I’ve just been taking one in the morning and one when I get home from work) it eases the pain to an ignorable pain.  It hurts really bad in the morning or if I try to move around in bed, but I thank god for the gift of prescription drugs.  Sigh.

I am really hoping that this passes soon.  It’s been feeling significantly better yesterday and today (although it may just be the drugs) so I’m  hoping it will heal faster than he thinks.  He said it could easily be 6-12 weeks to heal even enough for me to resume regular activities and as of this upcoming weekend, it will officially be a whole month.  I MISS TURBO JAM!  I’m trying very hard not to get discouraged with my Biggest Loser Competition because without the ability to exercise “normally”, I feel like I’m not progressing at all.  Last Tuesday at the weigh in, I had actually lost 1 pound for the week and was pleased with that considering the most exercise I’ve done is like 15-20 minutes on my stationary bike and WALKING.  I have been watching what I eat very closely though, so the most I’m asking for right now is that I don’t GAIN any weight.  As soon as I can, I am going to jump back into Turbo Jam FULL FORCE.  I want SO badly to hit my goal for this 12 week challenge and we’re already two weeks into it and I’ve lost ONE pound.  So… one pound a week and I’ll be fine satisfied :).

Bart started working days as of this morning.  *SQUEAL*.  I can’t even describe how happy I am about that.  It feels like Christmas Eve because I get off work in an hour, which means in about an hour from THAT, he will be home!   I’m going to try to make a goal and see if he’ll stick with me, but I think it’d be awesome if we could commit to going on nightly walks with each other after dinner or something.  That would be so cool and it would be good for us.  Since he’s working 6am to 6pm, I’m also going to see if I can make myself wake up at the same time he does so I can get some good work outs in BEFORE work.  If I can just make myself get up and get in the habit of waking up early, I KNOW I’d stick to my work outs.  It’s just waking up that’s my problem.  lol.

Anyway, weigh in is tomorrow morning and I’m kinda nervous because I kind of indulged on chinese on Friday night and then ice cream cake Saturday night for Zack’s birthday.  Please no gain! *Crosses fingers*

Thursday

I couldn’t think of a Title for this blog. I just felt like writing.

First of all, I’m very saddened by the passing of my 11 year old nephews iguana, Iggy. I’m not sure if it’s a curse, or a gift that I have always had a VERY strong connection with feeling sympathetic for other people. I mean, realistically I didn’t care much about his iguana and when it comes down to it, death is just a part of life. I have lost so many pets in my lifetime that people would think that the death of a pet wouldn’t even phase me, but it never gets easier. Iggy wasn’t even MY pet, but I’ve found myself fighting tears almost all morning. I am just simply one of those women that can honestly say “I cry when you cry”. I wish I could be with my nephew right now to give him hugs. Sigh.

Ok, enough of that, I’m almost crying again!

My real reason for getting on to post (now that I’ve darkened the mood with sadness):
This morning when I was getting ready for work and running quite late I might add, I got into my closet and after doing a super fast skim of my options for a shirt, I grabbed my white button up blouse that I bought about a year ago. I love this shirt and I always feel good in it, although it’s always been “awkward”. Because of the way it’s made, the top of the sleeves are always just slightly too tight and it bunches around my belly where my flab pushes out. Often by the end of the day, I would feel claustrophobic and frustrated with this shirt and tear it off the second I got home from work.
I haven’t worn it for about 2-3 months now and simply grabbed it because I was running late and didn’t have time to be picky. As I proceeded to get ready for work, throwing on a bit of makeup, quickly flailing through my hair with a curling iron and brushing my teeth, I stopped dead still for a moment and started twisting around a bit (as much as I can with my cracked painful rib) and lifted my arms up, then down a few times. I thought “wait a minute… this feels different…” That’s when it dawned on me: The sleeves are not tight! Wait, and woah, the belly of the shirt isn’t tight! Oh my! Am I losing weight? *HAAALLELUJAH*!!! I LOVE this shirt and I feel SO good today. It’s so comfortable not having my arms squeezed in the sleeves. Sometimes I wonder how it could be possible for me to be losing weight because of how inactive I’ve been the past week 1/2 with a cracked rib, but I am! Maybe my extra anal attention to eating healthy foods is paying off!

Guess what I have also discovered?? I have muscle under my flab!!!! I can now FEEL the ab muscles underneath my fat. I’m so thrilled with that, I don’t even CARE about the flab anymore, because I know that muscle EXISTS!!! HEHEHEHEHEHE! It’s amazing what small things do to my moods. I feel so good about myself, just simply knowing that I’m TRYING now.

In closing – My Biggest Loser TEAL Team ROCKS! I love them!

Now – This morning when I looked in my bank account and saw that my paycheck was direct deposited, as usual, I was quickly reminded of the consequences of taking time off work.  For the Lake Powell vacation, I left early on the 27th and took the 30th off, therefore I was short about 12 hours, as I was aware that I would be, on this check.  I just didn’t really realize how much it was going to affect my pay.  This is the smallest check I have had during the entire year that I’ve worked here.  I’m trying really hard not to get overwhelmed by the fact that I have barely enough to pay my current bills and that’s IT.  If I’m calculating correctly, I may have about $27 left after everything is paid for.  *Sigh*.  Next month will be my official 1 year mark at this company at which point I get the gift of Paid Vacation.  I only get 5 days a year, but hey, that’s better than nothing!  Usually when I take time off, it’s just one day because I plan our “vacations” on weekends.  Well, I was aware of it when I made the decision to take the extra time off for Lake Powell and I’ll just focus on how much fun I had and it was worth the extra day… besides, it’s only 2 weeks until I get paid next 😐

Have a seat

Back to work after a long, nice weekend.  It’s nice to be back at work though.  I like my job :).

So, Friday (4th) we went up to Mary’s cabin and were there all day.  We played games, had a BBQ and stuff and Zack brought his guns up to go shooting and yes… I shot a gun!  I actually liked shooting the 22 and I was really good!

Saturday was Kaylee’s birthday party at Fat Cats, which was fun even though I couldn’t bowl  (stupid rib ) but watching Bart bowl is always fun.  Then we went to Kandis’ parents house and had a BBQ with just Charlie, Kandis, Kimmy (her sister) and the kids and her parents.  It was nice. 

Bart’s dad and sisters went camping over the weekend and they had wanted us to go with them, but because of all the other obligations we had, we couldn’t go.  So, because we couldn’t go, we decided to go down there yesterday (they’re camping at Palisades down by Manti).  It was really nice down there, although there was a random huge wind storm, but it didn’t last that long.  We had dinner and hung out for a while and then came back.  It’s only about a 2 hour drive (a little less really) and it was really nice.  It felt like a really busy weekend, but still very relaxing and fun.

My rib seems to be getting better, although I just pointed out to Dianna that for all I know, it’s still the same, but maybe the Lortab is just helping a lot.  Ha.  I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s getting better.

I’m really disappointed about my dumb rib, because today is the first day of the Biggest Loser Challenge that I joined on Sparkpeople and there’s NO way I’m going to be able to do my full regular exercises.  It frustrates me that I can’t do it because I wanted to start this challenge FULL force and work my butt off (literally) for the next 12 weeks.  I’m going to have to figure out some low intensity work outs that I can do without snapping my ribs off of my body, but maybe still be able to lose weight.  For one, I’ll just have to be sure to watch my diet very closely because if I’m basically going to be sitting around while this heals, I don’t want to just sit and get FATTER.  *Sigh*

Anyway, I had a great weekend and now heading full force into getting quarterlies done! Woohoo!

Cracked

Well, I’m back to work! I was actually back yesterday, but it was such a crazy day, it just flew by and I didn’t even have a moment to breathe.  haha.  Because I was off Monday, we’re closed Friday and the 5th is a Saturday, I’m having to basically squeeze 200 clients into a three day period.  It’s actually not as bad as I had anticipated it being.  I got a lot done yesterday with no major crisis’.

Lake Powell was fun.  Hot, but fun.  Saturday was only about 100 degrees, but then Sunday was about 105.  Skylar and Jake rode down with me and we got there around 9:00pm, which took a lot longer than we thought it would.  So we basically just hung out for a bit and then went to sleep.  Saturday morning we got up, I made breakfast and then we went down to the Lake and hung out on the beach.  Everyone took turns with the boats, which was fun.  The water was really nice.  It was the perfect temperature and I didn’t want to get out!  I think I was in the water for a total of about 2 1/2 hours total, which resulted in my sunburnt face.  lol.  It was way fun though!  Brian, Harmony, Jairus and I went out on the boat together and we stopped next to Lone Rock, where I felt like jumping out and taking a swim.  The water was just so nice, I didn’t wanna get out!  I swam ’til I was a bit too tired and when I was trying to pull myself back in the boat, which proved to be quite difficult, I heard a loud, quick *CRACK*.  Probably more like a *SNAP* (like a twig breaking).  It scared me pretty bad and I had a huge shooting pain all throughout my chest/stomach, so I kind of just freaked out and held still for a few minutes, not daring to move.  Finally Brian pulled me back into the boat… make a long story short – I’m pretty sure I either broke, cracked, or severely bruised a rib (or ribS).  My mom checked it and said it’s very possible, although I thought it was unlikely because I figured if you BROKE your ribs, you wouldn’t be able to move very well… she said that’s actually not true and that they really can’t DO anything for a broken/cracked rib, so there’s nothing to do, but basically wait it out.  It’s pretty close to the most painful thing I’ve experienced other than labor, but… heh… what am I gonna do?  I can’t really just lay around at home and miss work.  Especially not this week.  It’s extremely painful to get up and down in and out of my chair and I wish I didn’t have to move at all.  Taking a deep breath hurts just as bad as well as moving side to side, or front to back… so I pretty much can stand upright, perfectly still and I can lay on my back.  That’s about it.  LOL.

If it wasn’t for the heat down there at good ol’ Wahweap, I would have loved to been able to stay all week with my family.  No significant fights, nothing dramatic and I really enjoyed being “away”.  I really didn’t like the heat though.  I came to the solid conclusion that I’m just not a desert camper.  I very much prefer the mountains.  If I have the choice, I would prefer to never, ever go camping in the desert again, unless it’s in the fall or winter.

If I can at least make it through the work day, I’m thinking I’ll have to take advantage of the Lortab we have at home

3 more days

That’s right.  Three more days and it’ll be the start of my small little well desired vacation to Lake Powell with my family.  I was able to get the 30th off so I could have one extra day down there, so I’m happy about that, but extremely stressed about next week and cramming 5 days of work into 3 days.  I’ll have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to do all payrolls that would normally either be ont he 5th (which is a Saturday in July, so we have to revert to the business day before it), as well as the bi-weekly (every other Friday) which also have to revert to the day before because we’re not open, nor are banks, on July 4th.  I’m trying really hard to concentrate on this week and then have fun while I’m at Lake Powell and worry about the stress of work when I get back. There’s no point in stressing about it while I should be relaxing.  Hopefully I can accomplish not thinking about it while I’m camping.

This week is slow and I really wish the pay periods didn’t off set like they do because I wish I could just do a bunch of extra payrolls this week to make up for next.  Most pay periods don’t even end until the 30th, so I can’t do anything this week.  At least not for those clients.  *Sigh*.  Becky’s got Young Womens camp all week, so she’ll be gone all day today, half day tomorrow, half day Thursday and all day Friday.  I really hope she can manage to do her payrolls in the mornings that she’s here because I really don’t feel like doing them for her, although of course I will if needed.

So, found out yesterday that Taisha’s baby is a girl.  She’s naming her Nevaeh Rayne – last name isn’t fully decided yet; whether the baby will take Kyler’s last name (Floherty or something) or Taisha’s.  I got thinking, I’m not even positive what name Taisha is going by these days.  I wonder if she still goes by Barney or if she’s managed to just pick up her mom’s last name and go by that.  Anyway, that’s that.  The baby is due December 23rd.  That’s what they told me when I was pregnant with Dustin (well, they said December 25th) and then they changed his due date to January 3rd and, well… he was born January 11th.  lol.  I hope she does well though and can stay healthy during the pregnancy.  I wish the best.

So, Emily, Sam and I went to the Ani Difranco concert on Saturday.  Wonderful.  I loved hearing her music that close up.  It’s a lot different than listening to a CD, and she’s so funny.  She talks to the crowd in between songs and she’s just… funny.  Before the concert, we went to some “Train” restaurant (for the life of me, I cannot remember what it was called!) but it’s basically chinese, so yeah.  It was good and we had fun.  After the concert, we went and got ice cream at Baskin Robin’s which also rocked and then found ourselves driving basically all over downtown SLC trying to find a way out of the construction!  It seemed like every road that we needed to take to end up back at Sam’s place was closed for construction.  So, a lot of flipping U-ies on like every road and Sam speeding around like the mad crazy driver she is 😉 hahaha.  Just kidding.  It was really fun though and very much needed.  It felt SO good to get out with my best friends and not worry about work the next day or whether we had TIME to do what we wanted to.  It didn’t feel stressful at all and I genuinely had fun.  Sam brought up that she would like us to all come sleep over there sometime and Nait was all for it and said that he thought it would be good for her and stuff, which I thought was really cool.  I hope we can do that sometime soon because I really truly forgot how much fun it was to just hang out with my girlfriends and bullshit around and not care about time or work or anything else.  I love when we have the opportunity to do that.  I honestly don’t remember when the last time we did that was. 

Anyway, I’m gonna try to get work done today and see who I can talk into doing payrolls early.

Somewhere out there

I’m feeling a little frustrated today. I think I’m doing pretty good at keeping it under control, but I still need to give myself a small, quiet vent.

My social worker told me about 3 weeks ago that Geary had left her a voicemail saying how sorry they were that they hadn’t written and that there was no excuse, etc. etc. etc. and that they would write me a letter within a week. Well, clearly it’s been more than a week… more than two… going on three, still nothing. I don’t know why he would say that they were going to write if they weren’t going to. Why would he go out of his way or feel obligated to call her and even leave a voicemail saying that they were sorry and everything if they weren’t going to. They’re not obligated to. It’s their decision. They don’t have to and there’s no one that can make them, so I just would think that if they didn’t plan to, they would just leave it at that and not even return Sandy’s calls. I think I would have gotten an even clearer message if they didn’t return her calls at ALL. After a few weeks or so, I would probably just have thought “Ok, now it’s clear that they don’t intend to write”, but they seemed so sincere and apologetic that they hadn’t written for 2 1/2 years. I’ll admit I just kinda got my hopes up when she told me he had left the voicemail. I tried and tried to convince myself not to get excited, but I suck really bad at doing that. Telling myself “I won’t get my hopes up”, because I always do.

*Sigh*. I’m not letting it get to me nearly as badly as before, but I still can’t help but just feel a bit annoyed about it. Ugh. I feel like a psycho asking so many times, but I feel like if I give up, Dustin is going to grow up wondering why I stopped caring. I want to send my social worker another email and ask what she suggests. I just don’t know if I should. I feel like I’m being impatient even though my patience has already lasted 2 1/2 years.

Edit

Ok, edit to yesterdays posts…

I don’t know if the girl at the Standard Optical gets commission or what, but apparently she didn’t explain to me all the extra stuff that was added in that price.  Like anti-glare lenses, special fancy blah blah and all that… yeah… I don’t need all that stuff.  So REALLY, the frames will cost me like $140 and the lenses (without all the extra stuff she apparently added) will cost me $40.  That’s a BIT more like it…  I’m sure I could do $180.00.

I still don’t know if I’m in love with the frames.  Ugh.  I just can’t seem to make my mind up on a pair.  I don’t know if I’m willing to spend $140.00 on frames that I’m not even SURE that I like…  *Sigh*

We’ll see…

Ha

Well, forget about all that!  Sheesh.  I went to my eye appointment and found that my vision really has significantly gotten worse over the past year, but she didn’t think I need to wear glasses all the time.  She’s confident that I’m having the problems I have because I’m not wearing reading glasses.  I’m looking at a computer screen all day at work, so naturally by the time I leave at the end of the day and my eyes are able to relax and look at further away things, they tense up and go blurry and/or throb.

Well, I looked at frames and everything and decided on one after narrowing it down… and they were like $300.  After insurance I would only pay about $140 for the frames… fine and dandy… well, with the frames, the prescription, etc. etc.  I will be paying $372 out of pocket.  AFTER insurance. It’s just not possible.  I got my hopes up thinking that pretty soon these problems would be fixed and I wouldn’t have to suffer through every day with throbbing eyeballs and massive migraines.  Well, I just can’t afford that… there’s no way.  So, I’m going to have to keep dealing with it.

I did call and the girl there said that the frames I chose were one of the more expensive frames that they have, so I could come look at others and find a cheaper pair.  That makes me feel a little better, but honestly I don’t want to wear ugly cheap glasses.  I don’t care if they’re CHEAP, but I don’t want ugly glasses.  I know that’s petty, but the simple truth is that if I have to wear them, which I’m already a little annoyed about because I just don’t like having things on my face, I want to at least feel good in them.  I can never find frames that I like…. I was there for like an hour and basically chose the pair that I liked the most, and I still didn’t REALLY like them.  It was like settling for your only option.  I decided that I just don’t have the right kind of face.  My face just doesn’t look good with glasses.  Some people look great with glasses on.  Sometimes I see women with nice glasses and I actually think the glasses make them look prettier… but my face is just dumb.  I’m not saying I’m UGLY blah blah blah… just my face shape.  Maybe if I lose more weight and my face shrinks a little, I’ll feel differently about glasses.  LOL!  My eyes have been bothering me SO badly today (have been since I woke UP) and I was getting so excited of the thought of not dealing with this anymore.  I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the eyeball with a toothpick.  My left eye particularly.  I don’t know why it hurts so badly, but it hurts to even blink.  Plah.

I’m gonna stop ranting.  I need to exercise so I can feel better for the evening.

Got a pocket full of sunshine

Yesterday Becky and I got talking and laughing about how old we’re getting because neither of us can see like 8-10 feet away, and I realized that I have not received my Opticare insurance cards yet. So, I called Opticare and they had no record of me (but I’ve been having it deducted from my paychecks like 2-3 months). Granted it’s only like $8.40 a month or something like that, but still… I haven’t made an eye appointment yet because I hadn’t received my cards yet and I figured I needed them.

So, Kent sent in my paperwork again and now it’s taken care of… and apparently I don’t have to wait for cards.  I just simply tell them I have the insurance and they’ll call Opticare to confirm it.  Woohoo.

I called the Standard Optical in Orem to make an appointment and I have an appointment today at 4:10. I was pretty surprised that I could get an appointment next day – I figured I’d have to schedule at least a week in advance or something. Heh. So, I have my appointment in about an hour and I’m positive I’ll at least get reading glasses, but I’m thinking I may need every day all day glasses. I don’t really care, just that I could totally see myself breaking or losing them. *Sigh*. Luckily, I only have a $10.00 co-pay and Opticare pays up to $120.00 for frames, 100% of prescription lenses and 100% of scratch and UV protection. I’m glad about that. I was always so worried I’d have to spend like $600 on glasses, which is why I’ve never really gone to do it.

I don’t totally love the idea of wearing glasses, mostly because I know it’ll take forever to get used to them being on my FACE, but I love the idea of not having as many headaches and not having throbbing eyeballs every single day or blurry eyes when I’m driving, etc. etc. etc. etc. If glasses fix all of that. Great!!!

I just realized what time it is, so I’m gonna get things together and head out because I won’t be coming back to work and don’t wanna stick Dianna with anything to do. *Sigh* Here I go.