Somewhere out there

Posted by destiny on June 17, 2008 in 2008 Entries |

I’m feeling a little frustrated today. I think I’m doing pretty good at keeping it under control, but I still need to give myself a small, quiet vent.

My social worker told me about 3 weeks ago that Geary had left her a voicemail saying how sorry they were that they hadn’t written and that there was no excuse, etc. etc. etc. and that they would write me a letter within a week. Well, clearly it’s been more than a week… more than two… going on three, still nothing. I don’t know why he would say that they were going to write if they weren’t going to. Why would he go out of his way or feel obligated to call her and even leave a voicemail saying that they were sorry and everything if they weren’t going to. They’re not obligated to. It’s their decision. They don’t have to and there’s no one that can make them, so I just would think that if they didn’t plan to, they would just leave it at that and not even return Sandy’s calls. I think I would have gotten an even clearer message if they didn’t return her calls at ALL. After a few weeks or so, I would probably just have thought “Ok, now it’s clear that they don’t intend to write”, but they seemed so sincere and apologetic that they hadn’t written for 2 1/2 years. I’ll admit I just kinda got my hopes up when she told me he had left the voicemail. I tried and tried to convince myself not to get excited, but I suck really bad at doing that. Telling myself “I won’t get my hopes up”, because I always do.

*Sigh*. I’m not letting it get to me nearly as badly as before, but I still can’t help but just feel a bit annoyed about it. Ugh. I feel like a psycho asking so many times, but I feel like if I give up, Dustin is going to grow up wondering why I stopped caring. I want to send my social worker another email and ask what she suggests. I just don’t know if I should. I feel like I’m being impatient even though my patience has already lasted 2 1/2 years.

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