Charlotte, oh Charlotte.
*Sigh*. It came and went. This weekend went way too fast for my liking, proving only that next year, I need to plan extra time for myself. I’m flying in a day early and leaving a day late! lol
Yes, the birth mother’s event was this weekend. So, on Friday, my flight was to leave at 12:40, ended up delayed ’til 13:45 for “repairs” and then we didn’t actually board until about 14:00… soooo, long story short, I missed my connecting flight in Dallas and where I should have originally arrived in Charlotte aroound 20:30, I ended up arriving around 23:30. LOL Which was really disappointing, because I was ALREADY disappointed about my original flight being so late, but even LATER, was even more disappointing. Still great though. Took a cab from the airport to the hotel (awesome cab driver!) and Britney, Coley, Anomar and Leigh were waiting by the hotel entrance for me. LOL It was great. I couldn’t get the cab door open (shock surprise) almost broke my finger trying, then finally got out and got attacked with hugs, of course first by Coley! Yes, I have finally, FINALLY hugged Coley Socks. So… continuing… we ended up back in Coley’s room, where Lani, Pam, Charlene and… wait, I think that’s it… anyway, we hung out ’til almost 3:00, eating fudge and laughing and talking…. so I think we all went to bed around 3:00, then I got up at about 7 to get ready for breakfast. So, count 4 hours of sleep there. Check. Had breakfast, even though I was like 40 minutes late… I was surprised with the number of people I DIDN’T know, but that was awesome. The more, the merrier. Literally. lol Let me just tell you, meeting these women, most of whom I’ve been friends with for a few YEARS now, was just amazing to me. I’ve considered myself extremely lucky for having such great friends all this time and didn’t think it was possible for it to get even BETTER, but meeting them in person… was even better. I can even be honest in saying I was slightly worried, because I tend to not get along with girls very well, at least not for long periods of time, but it was like walking into a room full of family. It really, really was. There was no awkwardness or not knowing what to say or uncomfortableness… there just wasn’t. Just completely awesome. I mean it. I was in awe. I LOVE these girls SO much it doesn’t even make sense. LOL So the entire day was pretty much wonderful. It would take hours to play-by-play the entire weekend, so I won’t… but… it was awesome. After breakfast we went around introducing ourselves mostly, then went into discussions and everything. I did pretty good, until Leah and her daughter’s adoptive Mom spoke, then I started bawling… then their oldest son spoke about his adoption and I bawled even more… lol Well, I cried for pretty much the rest of the day.
The session/discussion I led was fun. I was talking to Ali later and admitted that it was pretty hard for me to talk about some of those things in front of people… talking about my past and everything… but it was amazingly healing. Not one person even remotely judged me for everything I told them about my past and my experiences that led up to deciding to place Dustin for adoption and even my experiences afterward leading up until now. Not like I gave my whole life-story, but a lot of things that I don’t normally talk about to the every day person. I was truly amazed with how close I felt to all of these women. There wasn’t one moment of feeling awkward, or uncomfortable, or judged… it was as if I’d known all of them my ENTIRE life and I could literally talk about anything and everything and it was as if they already knew and still loved me.
So, I’m probably going out of order as far as what we did first, etc. but later on, after we did breakout sessions and stuff, we had lunch, then the balloon release… which was surprisingly emotional for me. I really REALLY didn’t expect to cry… I was just thinking it was gonna be a cool symbolic gesture for our birth children… but the second I let go of my balloon, with my personal message to Dustin written on a piece of paper tied to the string, it was like something extremely unexpected occurred and I had a flood of emotion. Anyway, it was cool.
Ok, so after all the speakers, sessions, lunch, fun, etc. we had a little while to go back to our rooms and relax before dinner. We went to dinner at an Irish Pub (can’t remember the name of the place) and our waiter was absolutely adorable, classic Irish accent and not too hard on the eyes either. I had a “killkooly” sandwich (not sure if I spelled that right… probably not) and Britney thought it was funny I’d never had (or HEARD of) a sandwich with fruit on it. Killkooly = turkey, bacon, cheddar cheese…. and apples. Yuuup. It was probably close to the mose delicious weirdo sandwich I’d ever had. Wish I could recreate it. LOL I think I’ll try. Met a funny guitar player dude outside of the pub, Anomar and I ran back to the hotel to change into our 80’s drab, then ran to meet the rest of the ladies at “The Breakfast Club”, which is an 80’s club in Charlotte. I won’t tell a huge long story about it, but basically… it was awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. First of all, the group of girls that stayed later with us (half the group left I think around 11 or so and 7 of us stayed ’til about 2:00) anyway, awesome ladies. Lets see if I can remember who stayed… so… me, Anomar, Stephanie (thank god for Stephanie, otherwise I would have left my debit card at the bar!) Britney, Michelle (R.), Ali and Michele (L.) We danced, danced and daaaanced. It felt so good… and I’m totally in love with these ladies. I can’t wait for next year. We went back to the hotel and hung out outside for a while, then went up to Coley and Lani’s room and hung out for a while longer, which was entertaining. lol We left their room around 3:30, I think… not sure really… but Anomar stayed in my room and we talked for a while, all I know is we didn’t go to bed until about 5:15 A.M. and I had to be up at 7 to get ready and Melanie was picking me and Leigh up for our flights at 8:45. So, yup… 2 hours of sleep. 6 hours of sleep TOTAL for the weekend. I was still basically drunk when I left in the morning and after hours of being on flights (delays everywhere), I still felt drunk when I touched down in Utah. LOL Apparently you gotta actually SLEEP for it to go away :p
I posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook and I assume anyone that would read this blog is probably friends with me on Facebook, so I’m not even gonna post them here. Just go there!
Ok, well anyway… overall score for the weekend… well, I don’t know what the max. is, so I’m just gonna say a big wicked 10! …If we’re going to 10….
Now… separate blog stuff:
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it in any previous posts… probably not… but Sam has been sick. For a few weeks now, he’s been eating very irregularly and then the past 2 ish weeks, he’s basically thrown up every day. Bart took him to the vet on Monday, found out that he’s lost 16 lbs, which under normal circumstances would be good since he is fairly overweight for a lab, but… not super exciting considering it’s basically from starvation. We also found out that all of his glands are swollen. Long story short, because I’m not sure I can type it all without crying (again!) the vet believes that he has Lymphoma. Which I believe he said averages a 3-6 month survival. Lets just say, this isn’t easy news. Sam is Bart’s baby. That’s all there is to it. I almost don’t see any difference if it were a human baby. Just because he’s a dog, doesn’t mean it’s any different. Bart has had him since he was practically born, raised him, taken care of him, loved him… they’re best friends. I’ve been crying a lot the past couple days, almost every time I look at Sam and have to imagine burying him. I know I’ve complained about Sam in the past and get annoyed easily, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. He really is an amazing dog and regardless of how annoyed I get with some of his habits, it’s going to hurt when he passes. I am dreading what it’s going to do to Bart. I already know there will be nothing I can do and basically no way to comfort him. I wish I could take away the pain that I know he’s going to have. …I will say that I’m grateful we don’t have to put him to sleep. It’s hard enough already, having to accept that he’s going to die, but I would hate for Bart to have to make that decision. I just couldn’t take it. As terrible as it might sound, I’m really hoping that he just goes in his sleep so he doesn’t have to feel any pain and he can just be at peace.
Sorry, on a slightly more cheerful note, Sam’s birthday was Monday, the 3rd. 10 years old! 
We had a birthday party. lol Lisa and Xoe came over (and Zala and Max). Sam got new toys, treats and got to play with his friends. We had dinner, then went to McDonalds and got ice cream cones, as well as kiddie cones for the dogs. It was awesome! lol HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!
Birthday ice cream!
Yummy!!!
It was a good night and I think Bart was happy. And Sam was happy.
The next little while will be difficult… but, I guess all we can do is try to prepare. At least we know.
Bart and his puppy
Guess what we’re doing this weekend? And by “we”, I mean… Zack and Bart. “We” are pouring cement for our patio!!! I’m so excited. Then, if the weather is good, we’ll tear up the yard NEXT weekend and plant grass. I’m excited that it’s actually starting to happen. Even more excited that it’s basically not costing us anything. I’m a little stressed about the idea of buying a new sprinkler system, which we’re not going to do right away anyway, but… eventually we’ll want to. But, Zack is basically doing trade work for the entire yard to be dug up and new top soil brought in and I think he’s trying to talk us into letting him pay for the cement too. Dunno about that yet… I feel guilty if he paid for that TOO. Next project will be new fence. We still don’t know what we’re going to be allowed to do, since we live on a corner with a stop sign. If the fence is too high, people won’t be able to see around the corner. I really want a fence though! Someday. We’ll get it done. Excited for the patio though. It’ll be cool. This time, I’m going to remember to do “Before” and “After” photos! I wish we had done that when we first moved in of the yard and how horrible it was with weeds. Too bad. lol
11 Days!
The past few months really have gone pretty fast… and now I can’t believe that in only 11 days, I’ll be headed to North Carolina to hang out with my best friends :). Wow!! I’m sure Coley’s kinda freaking out just a little! LOL
Last week was 5 days without Bart. 
Believe me when I say, by the time he got home on Thursday night, I was SO happy to see him. I really didn’t think it was gonna be a big deal at all, but it didn’t take long (like maybe 4-5 hours!) before I missed him. My entire funk went out of whack… didn’t work out, didn’t make meals for myself, hardly slept at all. Sheesh! That might sound over dramatic :p I’m not saying I sat around and wallowed in loneliness, starving and alienating myself LOL but it’s hard to actually prepare meals just for yourself, so eating dinner at Harmony’s house, going out, etc. and I filled up the week with plans so I didn’t HAVE to sit home alone. So, that messed up my workout schedule… and the sleep… well I just don’t think I can sleep very well with Bart in another state. LOL Had a massage on Monday, which was SUPER awesome, but on Tuesday morning I felt like I’d been beat up by an angry china man. Then I got my hair cut (short!) on Tuesday and was even a little daring and put some darkish/brightish red in it. *Eek* and I totally love it!!! Got a pedicure on Wednesday after work with Harmony (and Natalee came and hung out too :)) and then we went and got new shoes at the Mall, then to dinner at P.F. Changs (mmmm). I told Harmony she could pick any color she wanted for my toes. I was held to a promise, so I had no way to argue. This is what she chose:
I have to make fun of her for it, but truthfully… I love them. LOL They make me happy. *Happy feet*
I’m having major issues with my keyboard today, so I’ve had to restart twice. It might be fixed now. So far, no skipping letters or having to pound the space bar to get a space. Quite frustrating, considering this keyboard is only a few months old. I swear things just enjoy not working properly around me.
We got stuff accomplished this weekend. At least I felt like it :). Saturday we spent about $450.00 at Home Depot on a lawn mower, weed whacker, grass seed/weed killer, etc. (probably some other stuff, but I stopped paying attention after about half an hour ’cause Home Depot depresses me). Thank god we had a $200.00 gift card from Lisa from Christmas and then apparently when we got to the checkout, Bart and Lisa had a mild boxing match and Lisa ended up swiping her card before Bart could tackle her to the ground. Ok, there wasn’t really any tackling, but might as well have been. Sometimes seeing those two fighting over a check at a restaurant, etc. is just amusing and I can’t help but be entertained. Zack does it too. All three of them. Anyway… I’m fairly positive Bart plans on just forwarding that money directly back to her (perks of having the same bank, eh?) but either way, it was really cool. As much as I hate accepting money from people, sometimes I get to the point where I feel like we’ll never have QUITE enough money to accomplish all the things we want to (fence, patio, new grass, etc.) But, it felt really good to mow the lawn (front and back) and I learned, quite humorously, how to use a weed whacker. That’s right… I’ve really never used one. If I have, it was when I was little. I don’t recall ever owning one before, but then again, if we did have one growing up, I probably just didn’t know about it because my parents tend to keep dangerous things away from me. I’m likely to whack somebody’s toe off or something. Probably my own. Bart had to scold me to put shoes on before he’d let me use it. Ugh. Dumb shoes. The weather was SOOO nice this entire weekend. I even left the sliding door open almost all day both Saturday and Sunday. Aaaaah, sunny. Then Sunday, Lisa and I went back to Home Depot (I know, I threw a silent fit on Saturday saying I was never, ever, ever, ever going back there, but whatever) and we got a few plants. I need some plants to make me happy :). So I got some baby plants and hopefully I can help them grow instead of killing them right away. We’ll see. See??
I already had the green and white pots from plants I had a long time ago (Lisa gave to me), but I think I might go buy the matching red ones since all three of these plants are in the livingroom. I know I’m laughed at ’cause I want my accents to match, but so what? I think I need to get some outside plants to hand or something and I can use the white and green pots for that :). They are cute. They just don’t match my livingroom! :p
This weather is making me really want to get out and play. Or work outside. Either/or… anything but sitting inside. I wanna go four wheeling or have a BBQ or something. I’ll just have to make the most of it after 5:00 and before the sun goes down! Make up some projects to do outside. Maybe I’ll pull weeds tonight. Or just sit outside and read. (AFTER my work out, that is!) Sun will be my reward for finishing my workout.
Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel uncomfortable in your own skin? Today is one of those days… My hair refused to work this morning so I feel like I look like sloppy… then my makeup didn’t really turn out the way it’s supposed to (I have no idea why, when I apply it the same every time) and my clothes feel uncomfortable. Hopefully I can make it through the day without it controlling my mood. I tend to be grumpy and psychotically mean when I don’t feel comfortable. Hmmph.
I also wanted to add… and I posted this on Facebook yesterday, but… Ok, Sam seriously follows me everywhere. People tend to assume I’m exaggerating, simply because I get annoyed by him sometimes, but I really am not exaggerating. Yesterday, for example, I wanted to get in the shower, so I started the shower and was getting clothes together and stuff and within about 2 minutes, I went back to the bathroom and Sam was laying directly in front of the toilet, which is also directly in front of the bathtub/shower. I asked him to move like 5 times and he just looked at me like I was retarded, so I just climbed over him and got in the shower. Then I had to get OUT of the shower and literally couldn’t without stepping on him (and didn’t want to jump, because knowing me, I’d slip and fall on my face) so I FINALLY got him to move… and by move, I mean he lazily stood up, moved back about 3 feet and plopped back down and stayed there until I had gotten out, brushed my teeth, dried my hair, gotten dressed, etc. and then I had to climb over him to get out of the bathroom… then he followed me into the office and plopped under the desk on my feet. *Sigh*.
I know everyone thinks I’m mean because I complain about him… Most common response is “But he LOOOOVES you”. I know he loves me, although sometimes I REALLY don’t understand why. It just proves that dogs really do love you no matter what. And I don’t hate him. I get fairly upset when people say that I hate him. I don’t HATE any animal, unless you count grasshoppers as an animal (and if you do, you’re psycho), but it’s the same as a person doing the same thing. You’d get annoyed if you were literally followed everywhere and not left alone even when you’re peeing. I can at least get him to stay out of the bathroom and allow me to close the door when I pee, but he still sits immediately outside of the door and sometimes whines until I come out. (WHY?!) So, don’t say that I hate him and yes, I know I’m “mean”, but can’t a girl get some breathing room?! What I really don’t understand is that he is Bart’s dog… and Bart babies him and loves him and spoils him and plays with him… so, why doesn’t he follow the NICE guy around?! Please explain. (He is cute though, isn’t he?) I’d like to add that Sam is a VERY good dog, compared to a lot of dogs… and just in general. He is a good dog. So, it’s not that he’s BAD… he just has some annoying habits. Then again, so do I!
30 Days!
Are ya freaking out Coley??! LOL Yup, only 30 days until Charlotte. I’m excited, although I do admit, slightly nervous. Nervous mostly because here I am, 30 days away from the trip, and I feel like I should have a lot more money available than I do at the moment. Bart keeps telling me to stop worrying and that I need to go and just enjoy it and I know I need to listen to him because when it comes to stuff like this, he’s always right… it always works out and it’s never as big of a deal as I make it out to be, but still… It’s a REALLY big step for me to be doing it anyway. I tend to have an extremely hard time just spending money that logically, I know can be put to better use toward bills and what not. So, all in all, I just tend to have a hard time spending money on myself. At least large sums. Either way, I am trying to stop thinking about the money this is costing and just focus on the purpose for going. I’m really starting to look forward to it. Coley asked me if I’d be willing to help out by leading one of the group “sessions”, which I of course agreed to do, but now I’m just trying to come up with or choose a good topic to base the discussion on. I’m leaning toward focusing on “Moving forward” (continuing life after placing a child) just because it’s a broad enough topic that it could include almost everything else that I’d been thinking about covering. It’s only a 45 minute session, so I just have to try really hard to narrow everything down so it’s not one long discussion on ONE particular item. Anyway… just trying to think of what would be best for everyone that’s coming, yet something that I feel like I can contribute by personal experience.
As I said in my earlier post, Bart’s going to be in California April 12th thru 15th. Actually, he’ll be leaving the evening of the 11th, so technically he’ll be gone from April 11th PM to April 15th PM. So, that essentially leaves me with 5 evenings that I need to keep myself occupied, otherwise I’d probably end up sitting on my butt watching TV or just reading. Not that there’s anything wrong with reading, but it’s usually not very good for me to sit and do nothing. I tend to get depressed with too much silence. LOL So……. so far, I have a massage at 5:30 on the 12th, I have a hair appointment scheduled for Tuesday the 13th, although that’s technically early enough (1:30) that I’ll need to find something else to occupy Tuesday evening/night… then Wednesday the 14th Harmony and I are going to get pedicures and go out to dinner. It’s a nice thought that I really won’t be spending much money with all this. LOL I have a gift certificate for the pedicure that Lisa gave me for my birthday (like 6 months ago) and I’ve been holding onto it, waiting for a good time to use it when I really “need” it. Harmony gave me the gift card to Massage Envy, so really all I’ll be spending any money on is the haircut on Tuesday. So what’s better than a few days of pampering? A few days of FREE pampering! Woohoo! I’m sure I’ll have to devote at least one evening to watching girly movies too. That’s a necessity. So… maybe I’ll just have to have Sunday night be a do-nothing evening (maybe take a bath and read), then maybe Monday I can do the massage, Tuesday haircut and just go down and hang out with the kids, Wednesday pedicure and dinner with Harmony, then Thursday… hmmm… dunno. I can’t remember exactly what time his flight will be returning on Thursday, so maybe it’ll be early enough that I don’t have to plan anything. We’ll see.
Le Disko
Have you ever heard the song “Le Disko”, by “Shiny Toy Guns”? It makes me bounce in my car while I’m driving and makes the lady driving in the lane next to me laugh, so I promise, it’s worth listening to if you haven’t heard it. I wouldn’t, however, suggest watching the music video. LOL
This weekend was really great. I’m pretty much exhausted today, but I’m in a super good mood and really wish that I coulda had more of this weekend. Friday night, Bart and I went on a date (teehee). We went to dinner at Red Robin (yummmmmm) which was really good and a bit of a splurge, calorie wise, but I didn’t care and then went to see “Alice in Wonderland”, which I LOOOOVED! Yup, loved it. I have heard probably 50-50 reviews with half HATING it and the other half loving it. First of all, I think you’ve gotta be a certain percentage of weirdo to like it, which is why I loved it, but I also have to wonder if some of the people who hated it were expecting a remake of the Disney version of the little girl falling down a rabbit hole and that’s that. If you haven’t seen this movie yet and that’s what you’re expecting… then you probably won’t like it. I would basically suggest going into this movie as if you’ve never even heard of Alice in Wonderland. This isn’t that movie. This is completely different. Oh, and I just love Johnny Depp. Not ’cause he’s cute (but really he isn’t bad looking), but he just is an AWESOME actor. He literally BECOMES the character he’s being paid to be. I can’t even think of an actor that is quite comparable to him. I mean seriously… Gilbert Grape, Edward Scissorhands, Raoul Duke, Mort Rainey and of course Captain Jack Sparrow… these roles seriously aren’t even that similar and those characters are just HIM. Mad Hatter was right up his alley. “Mad Hatter” now IS Johnny Depp. He is just… amazing. I don’t know if anyone else is weird enough to even be in the same league. lol …So, obviously I loved the movie. I admit, slightly, that I was a bit disappointed in the Red Queen, but not even worth mentioning. Awesomeness all around. I’ll buy it.
On Saturday, Jairus, Tabitha and I went to the Festival of Colors in Spanish Fork (/Salem… whichever city it’s really in) at the Krishna temple. Also – awesomeness. I didn’t even know about this until last year and I’m sad that I didn’t know about it years ago. Jairus says it’s been going on for like 10 years, so I don’t know why I’d never heard of it before. Either way, I’m gonna make sure it’s a yearly thing for me. I loved it. It was like “Woodstock” meets Hindu celebration. The Krishna Temple is absolutely gorgeous and amazing, along with the vibe you got with the hundreds of people thrashing powdery rainbow colors in the air waving “Peace & Love” signs around, you couldn’t help but be bubbly. Dancing, crowd surfing, electric guitars, Hindu traditional songs and an old dude telling everyone how awesome God is and that he’s not just “some old guy tellin’ you to keep it down ’cause he’s taking his afternoon nap”. LOL It was just awesome. The only thing I will say is that next year, we’re absolutely going earlier. No question. It’ll be worth the crowds and parking your car 1+ miles away to walk there. As much fun as it was at 4:00pm, I’m betting being there at noon-1:00 was even better. (Yes, we missed the explosion of colors and the enormous cloud ) still awesome. Hanging out with Jairus and Tab was awesome too. She really is a ton like me, it’s almost amusing. It’s as if I’m watching myself 10 years ago. HAHAHA Adorable.
Krishna Temple
"Free hugs for peace" (Some random guy)
Tab enjoys hugging random guys.
What made the weekend even better was that Saturday morning, I weighed myself (I’m weighing myself every Saturday to keep track of my progress) and I lost another 3 lbs. That’s 7 lbs lost between March 13th and now. It makes me excited I would so love to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight, which realistically shouldn’t be that hard, considering I was already kind of overweight when I got pregnant (yes, even at 15 years old). Of course I remember feeling fat at that age, but I can look back at pictures of myself then and just DREAM of being that size again. I’d be more that comfortable if I went back to that size. LOL Of course that’s how it usually works, right? Still… this time, I’m confident that I’m going to do it and not back down. I have absolutely no reason or legitimate excuse to NOT accomplish my goal weight. Unless I break my ribs again… or my other hand… or dislocate my back… which I don’t plan on doing. At least not this year. Wahoo!
Bart is going to be in California April 12th thru 15th for a “MySQL” (aka: Geek) conference for work. I’m excited for him to go, because he’s looking forward to learning new things… and I’m excited for him to fly for his first time ever! (I know, almost 25 years old and has never been on a plane!) but I gotta admit I’m kinda disappointed I won’t be with him on his first flight *Sob*, but I think I’ll get over it. I’m trying to plan things to fill up my time though, because 4 days is a long time to be without him! I’m trying to really remember the last time we spent that many days apart. LOL Actually, now that I say that… it was just a couple years ago, when Lena and Ryan went on their cruise, I stayed down in Santaquin with the kids for 5 days straight. By the time I got home from that, I just wanted to squeeze him. So, as pathetic as it might seem, I’m totally gonna miss him for the four days that he’s gone. I figure I’ll get a massage on Monday, maybe a pedicure on Tuesday, get my hair cut on Wednesday and watch girly movies on Thursday. LOL He’ll actually be leaving the afternoon/evening of the 11th and coming home the night of the 15th, so… almost 5 whole days if you look at it that way. bah. It’ll be fun though.
We’re going camping this weekend to break in Lisa’s new spiffy-schmiffy trailer. We always kinda poked fun at her for wanting a trailer so bad, because camping isn’t “camping” unless you’re sleeping in a tent… as far as I’m concerned. BUT, I would not complain if I had a nice, warm, wind proof roof over my head when we’re out in the middle of the desert in APRIL freezing our butts off. Last year when we went camping in April, it was horrid. Fun, but freezing, freeeeezing cold. Coulda died. So, doing that this year with a trailer to protect us from the elements, might be nice. However… I still fully intend on sleeping in a tent unless it’s Zero degrees out. The trailer is a backup 😉 and a nice place to play poker. Bart and I took Friday off, so we’re leaving Thursday night and we’re all heading out to the desert with four wheelers and buggy. Crossing my fingers that I won’t break any bones this time around. …Should be fun!
Another movie review (I thought of Lacey, since she’s so in love with Edward Norton) – “The Illusionist”. I thought this was a really interesting movie and executed quite well. I actually didn’t really expect to like this movie a whole lot and I think Bart was kind of bored (he fell asleep) but I really liked it. I think I might actually need to watch it again, just to be more aware and pay more attention during the first half hour or so.
I’d like to give an update on my book, but… well, there is none. I’m hoping I’ll have a better chance of getting more of it done this summer. Yup, I’ll be the girl who brings her laptop camping. LOL Or just sitting outside. I tend to do more things in GENERAL when the weather is good. So, maybe I’ll be able to get a few chapters done this summer. We shall see!
……I’m annoyed that my blog isn’t updating my little widget thingy down there. I realize you have no idea what I’m talking about… but, it’s b’noxious.
Damn you daylight savings!
Seriously. The title should say it all.
On Saturday when I got done with my workout room, I told myself I was going to do my best to wake up early every day and work out BEFORE work. Yeah… right. So far, that hasn’t happened. It’s too freaking dark at 6:00 AM. I hate it. It’s like my body physically refuses to get up because it thinks it’s still night-time. Doesn’t help that I was woken up a bunch last night (but what’s new, right?) Well, there must have been a fire or something in our general area, because we woke up to Sam HOWLING and after we both JUMPED awake, we heard the sirens. A bunch of ’em. Bart looked out the window (probably to make sure it wasn’t our neighbors or something) but obviously didn’t see anything, so I dunno what it was, but wow… being jerked awake at 3 AM by a howling dog right next to your bed… lets just say I woke up with a headache and I still have it. Blaaaah.
Yesterday’s work out was sort of wimpy. I did 40 minutes, but realistically it was probably like 30, because I think 10 of that I was just blahing around. Blah. Still, better than nothing, right?
This is my quote for the week:
“That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say; It’s cool, he’s with me.”
Baaahahahaha. …what? Come on, that’s funny!!!
Ow.
This weekend felt short. I dunno if it’s just something about the time changing that always makes me feel out of whack, but I’m just tiiiired. Anyway, Friday night was fun… Aimee came to dinner with Lisa, Zack, Xoe, Bart and me to Joe Bandidos (Awesome, yummy… if you’ve never been there, you should go!) and we hung out at our house for a while and played Rock Band and stuff. Aimee moved back to Oregon officially as of yesterday I’m glad I got to see her and hang out with her before she left. Now I just gotta make time to make a trip up to Medford to see her. *Sigh* Why do all my friends live out of state?? Ugh. (Other than Robin. I’m glad she’s still here)
Saturday morning I ran down to Lena’s and got the TV I’m borrowing from her for my workout room, which is now officially done, by the way. So I eased back into my old routine by doing just a 20 minute workout and wow, it just shows how long it’s been since I’ve worked out. I think it’s been a full 8 months or so since I’ve done Turbo Jam and by the time I was done, my muscles felt like jello. SAD! It was awesome though. Did another 20 minutes yesterday and I think tonight, I’m ready for 45 minutes, then maybe I’ll be able to start on the 1+ hour ones. haha. I’m sore today though. It’s a good sore at least
Oh, guess what? (*YAY*!) Heather and Christopher found out the sex of the baby on Friday. It’s a BOY! Hahahaha. Heather is such a perfect “boy’s” mom, so it’s no surprise she’ll have THREE boys running around. It’s just crazy, after so many generations of Kroeber’s that only had one boy. Christopher, my dad, his dad, etc. only boys in their immediate families. lol I’m excited though Can’t wait.
Was gonna write more, but now I actually have work to do.
Happy Birthday!!
Wow, I can’t believe David is already 4 years old. Sheesh, time flies. I got to go to lunch with him today His restaurant of choice? Wendy’s. (Shows how often his Mom feeds him fast food ;)) Wendy’s was a super cool treat. lol And he was way excited that he got birthday icecream (vanilla frosty)! Now they’re off to the Dinosaur museum at the Point (wish I could go!) Happy Birthday kiddo!!!
4 Years Old!
50 days and counting…
I actually feel fairly silly that I’ve been holding on and waiting in silence for as long as I have. It’s seriously been over a month since “M” and I have talked and although I was fairly positive we’d share a room at the Birthmombuds event, it’s kinda clear to me now that we’re not. How much of a loser am I to keep waiting for her to accept my apology? LOL I still wish she would, but I sure as hell am not gonna apologize again. I’ve apologized twice, which is once more than I normally would, because I felt bad enough about how I made her feel by the things I said and I love her enough to try more than once. However, that’s about where I draw the line. She hasn’t even acknowledged me with an “f-off” or anything, so… I can take the hint. My dumb “thought it was a joke” that ended up offending her may have cost me her friendship. But that’s that. There’s nothing else I can do.
So yeah, I finally called and reserved my room this morning. Maybe this is still the naive part of me… but, I even reserved a room with 2 full beds, rather than a room with 1 king bed (those were my options), JUST in case someone needs a roommate. LOL Hmmm… denial much? Whatever… not like I’ll mind an empty bed next to me since the room would have cost the same regardless if I had picked one or two beds. *Shrug*
I am excited for the event, mostly because after years of Coley being one of my closest friends, I will finally be able to meet her face to face… hug her, talk to her in person and hopefully have a bit of crazy fun. The majority of these ladies really have been my closest friends over the past few years and it’s funny that you can be such close friends with people that you’ve never met in person. Actually, I have met Pam in person, when she showed up on my doorstep in December to deliver my “Secret sister” gift. (Which floored me and was a really awesome surprise). I’m sad that Brie isn’t going to make it… way excited that Anomar is coming, because other than Coley, Anomar has been my “longest” friend at Birthmombuds. I have to admit though (which I actually hate doing right now, but I still will) that I’m a little nervous about how things are going to be between “M” and me. It is SO unlike me to let something like this affect me so much, especially when I know that it was an innocent mistake on my part and I truly don’t believe she should be holding it against me for so long, but I won’t look down on her for it… she can feel what she feels, obviously. So yeah, I totally feel ridiculous that I’m thinking about there being an awkwardness there when we meet face to face and I feel ridiculous because it really shouldn’t matter, but for some reason it does to me. I guess I should just stop thinking about it. I can’t control it and I’ve already done what I could and apparently it’s not enough for her. Ok, I’ll stop this rant. I’m done.
Addie went to Baltimore last week and she had a two hour layover in SLC on the 4th, so my mom, dad and I went up and had lunch with her (at Denny’s… WOOOOO!) before she boarded to go to Baltimore… then her return was yesterday and she had a 3 hour layover in SLC, so we went to lunch again. This time we went to “The Red Iguana” – classic mexican food. It was super good and I can honestly say it’s the only Mexican restaurant (in Utah) I’ve been to where they did NOT give ridiculously huge portions. I was really surprised (and pleased) that they brought out my chicken chimichanga and NOT any enormous sides of rice and beans and lettuce and what not. Just the chimichanga, sour cream, guacamole and a super spicy pepper. It was way good. If anyone reading this (in Utah) has never been there… you should go. It’s on South Temple in downtown SLC. Yeah, kinda in the ghetto, but believe me… it’s worth it. Anyway… it was fun to see her twice in the same month. That doesn’t happen usually. Heh.
After lunch yesterday I took my parents home and hung out there for a while. My mom actually threw her arms around me like a little kid and said “Don’t go back to work, stay here with meeee!” How could I resist that face? So yeah, I hung out with her for a couple hours since I wasn’t fully intending on going back to work anyway. It was nice to have some one-on-one with my Mommy too. My dad was there, but he was playing in the office or something. It’s not very often that I have a chance to talk to my mom without all the grandkids and siblings around, so yeah… it was nice. She’s re-decorating my old bedroom to be an extra room for the kids mostly, so she’s painted the walls (a really cute green color) and has all these cute plans for it… when she was cleaning it out though, she found a few things in my closet that I didn’t know I had left there. For ONE… MY ICE SKATES! I SERIOUSLY thought that I had lost them during one of my many moves over the past 7 years. I had no idea they were at my parents house and it made me super happy to know that I didn’t in fact lose them. Now, we’ll just have to see if I can still skate. hahaha. I was talking to a friend yesterday afternoon (after telling her my Mom found my skates) and she laughed saying “I find it funny that you trip over your own feet walking straight on the ground, but you can ice skate and dance without a problem.” I agree. I’ll totally admit I run into walls, among many other things, trip on my own feet sometimes, fall up the stairs, break almost everything I touch and am constantly hurting myself… but for some reason, when I used to be on the ice, I felt completely relaxed, like I didn’t have to FOCUS on not screwing things up. Thinking about the feeling of sliding around on the ice, the cold rink air making my nose and cheeks turn red… wow, I miss it more than I realized. I miss dancing more than I realized too. So many things I gave up so long ago, trying to run from the person I used to be. I may not be that girl anymore, but I’m realizing NOW that just because I didn’t want to be that girl anymore, doesn’t mean I had to burn and destroy everything I loved and cared about just to let go of the past. David somehow made me realize how much I missed dancing. Which is funny, considering I’ve only “known” him a couple months? If that? I don’t even know… but again, another person I’ve never met face to face, but as been such a good friend. I’ve been able to talk to him about things I barely (or don’t at all) talk to my “best” friends about and I still don’t know why. It’s so unlike me to talk to someone like that about personal things, ESPECIALLY a GUY! He’ll probably never really know how much he’s helped me look past things and accept that who I am is who I am, regardless of how it was tied to my past. If I want to dance, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna jump back into the crowd I was with when I danced… this time I can just dance alone. There are a lot of things I used to do that made me ME, that I intentionally destroyed after Dustin was born, my life ripped from the seams and we picked up everything we knew and moved to another city to get me away from *that* life… and by doing that, somehow I felt that I had to completely erase everything that made me who I was. It’s been years. I literally haven’t skated in almost 9 years. I haven’t danced in about 7 years. I haven’t played basketball in even longer… because I started doing drugs and abusing myself, got kicked out of basketball for fighting… and never went back. *Sigh* Sometimes it sucks being able to look back on things and KNOW how you would have done things differently, but obviously there’s nothing you can do to change the past. I won’t say I have regrets, because honestly I don’t… but there are just some things I missed out on because of my own decisions. I guess it’s never too late.
Ok, well… I should probably get some work done, considering I only worked like 2 hours yesterday.
50 days ’til North Carolina!
*Insert*
By the way… as much as I don’t love the snow, I absolutely love the mountains when they look like this:
Yay! Friday!
Yup, it’s Friday… and it’s snowing. Blech.
Yesterday I got off work around 11, went to Sandy, picked up my parents and we drove up the airport and grabbed Heidi on her 2 hour layover, went to lunch at Denny’s (closest place we could find!) and hung out for a while, then Heidi hopped back on a plane to head to Baltimore. It was a cool, short visit though. Nice to see her even just for a little bit. After I brought my parents back home, I headed to get my E&I done (passed, whew!) and just went home for the rest of the day, which at that point it was about 4:00, so it’s not like I got home SUPER “early”. It was nice though.
It started snowing about when I got home yesterday (odd, because the last few days have been 45-55 degrees… WAY nice) so, this is what we had this morning:
At home
At the office
I’m so ready for the snow to be gone. I SO enjoyed the past few days of sun shine and warmth. I’m ready for Spring. Unfortunately “Spring” in Utah only lasts a few weeks, then we jump right into summer and 90-100 degree weather, which I’m not a huge fan of either. I’ll live either way though ;).
Alright, so… update on the doctor. I went. He didn’t believe it was necessary to do an ultrasound on my gallbladder (not yet anyway) and put me on a prescription that he wants me to take for 30 days and report to him and tell him whether it’s helped or not. If so, great… I’m gonna have to take these pills for the rest of my life. If not… scope goes down my throat and into my stomach and/or gallbladder ultrasound. Yay. Here’s the blonde version of what he THINKS is wrong with me: Everyone has acid in their stomachs, right? Right. Well, everyone ALSO has a special lining inside their stomach that protects the STOMACH from the acid, since the acid is just meant to break down the food ‘n stuff. The protective “lining” in MY stomach isn’t working and my stomach is eating itself, which is why when I eat food, it feels like I have a thousand steak knives scraping across my stomach. Makes sense. *Shrug* …He said it isn’t surprising or uncommon for someone who’s body matured way too early (being pregnant at 15 years old) and that he was surprised it caused problems. So, I filled the prescription on Tuesday, started taking them Wednesday morning. I have to take them twice a day. I’ve only been taking them 3 days, but I actually think they’re helping. I’ve been trying to keep track of the food I’m eating and how I feel after each meal. Maybe I won’t feel like crying at the thought of eating. It makes me REALLY excited to think that I don’t have to be in pain for the rest of my life EVERY time I eat or drink something. Now it makes sense why juice is SO amazingly painful… it’s like shaking up burning acid inside me, splashing against the walls of my stomach. I’m still scared to death of juice and it’ll probably take me a while before I dare to try any, but… the thought of maybe being able to drink again without wanting to kill myself… now that’s a fun thought :). Crossing my fingers that these pills do the trick. I already take pills every single day, so what’s one more?!
Plaaaahooie
I’m nervous/anxious for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Nervous I guess because of the “unknown” and allowing my mind to process all these different “what if’s” (that I wish I didn’t do!) and anxious because in a very strange way, I’m excited to think that maybe it’s fixable and I don’t have to live the rest of my life like this. I can’t completely imagine how it would be without this problem. So, although it might sound weird, I almost hope they do find something that’s like “oh, yeah… we can fix that!” and just get it fixed and done with. On the other hand… I’m sort of dreading the “what if” as in… what if they can’t find anything and I just simply have to live with the pain the rest of my life? I mean, if it’s nothing serious and it won’t kill me, I can deal with it… and it’s been long enough already that yeah, I think I’d just continue trying to ignore it and laying in the fetal position when I can’t. But man, I sure hope it’s fixable. I’ve ignored it for WAY too long and I’m to the point now where I am just praying something is seriously wrong so they can just remove my organs or something, sew me back up and say “ok, no more pain!” Woohoo! Well ok. Tomorrow at 4:00, I should find out. So, we’ll see.