I surrender

Posted by destiny on May 12, 2008 in 2008 Entries |

Well, last week my social worker emailed me and said that she called and left a voicemail with Magui and Geary to basically ask what their intentions were, (whether to write to me or not) and that she’d let me know if she hears from them.

I’m not going to let it run my life anymore. I’ve discovered (with the help of people who love me) that I’ve been in a downward spiral ever since Dustin’s birthday and it’s really affecting me and almost all of my relationships. I’ve been trying so desperately to hold onto anything and everything that I could that allows me to still keep a piece of him with me… I’ve been trying so hard that I’ve been letting it basically fuel everything in my life the past few months. It’s killing me.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I need to accept the fact that I may never hear from them again. There’s nothing I can do about it and I will take the advice given and treasure the things and the memories I do have and not dwell on what I don’t and can’t have. I’ll just leave it to “fate”. If there is such a thing.

Waiting On God: A Birthmom’s Hope
by Michelle

There was a time when I was full,
Full of life from within
It felt like forever but went so fast
Some say I should let it lie in the past
But how can I?

It was my heart that tore
When I handed him over through that door
For a moment I turned to look,
For my pain it shook
My soul from within.

I know they will love him
I think this is right
But this pain keeps me up at night,
Wondering if, how, when
I will ever see him again?

Will he understand
It was not my hand
That pushed him away
It was God’s plan
So I opened my hand.

I hope I pray
That on that day
My heart will be repaired
From all its pain
To share a single breath as one heart beats
No one can separate
A mother and her son,

Between us now is time and space
But I can still see his tiny face
It beams with life, joy, and peace.

God had a plan
A plan to repair
My soul from despair
I will rest for now
God will show me how
To wait on Him

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