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Just sayin’

Posted by destiny on February 2, 2011 in 2011 Entries |

I’m flattered that “Viagra” is such a huge fan of my blog.  Truly.  I really would approve their five dozen per day comments, but decided some people might get offended, so I choose not to.  Just thought I’d throw out a public apology to “Viagra”.  Nothing against you, I just don’t want your comments on my blog.  :(

Ok, so being unemployed sucks.  Royally.  What sucks even more is that I’ve been at a certain level for so long now that it’s really hard to accept that I may have to start lower to get any higher.  I guess UNEMPLOYED is the lowest you can get, income wise.  I don’t know yet whether I’ll be approved to receive unemployment benefits or not, so as of right now, I literally have no monetary value.  lol  So, as of tonight, I’ve begun submitting my resume to lower paying jobs, now accepting that I probably won’t start out at my usual $15/hour. I have a really hard time being home so much and it affects me dramatically to sit at the computer searching for jobs for hours at a time… not only does it make my eyeballs throb and my neck hurt, but I find myself getting frustrated pretty easily.  Life would be so easy if I could just stay in my bed all the time (of course with allotted bathroom breaks and occasional food inserts.)  I keep trying to tell myself something will come up, things will work out, but it’s really hard to feel like things will work out when you feel SO down.  Why do people always say that, anyway?  How do you KNOW it’ll work out?  What if I NEVER find a job and we can’t pay our bills and we lose our house and Bart’s credit goes to shit and the world implodes?  You never know…  I sure miss the days when I didn’t have to worry about “real” things.  Boy, do I miss running around with my friends having our biggest concern be who’s house we’re having a sleepover at, or getting caught breaking curfew by our parents. *GASP!*  Yuuup.

I am also slowly coming to accept that at this point, it’s going to be nearly impossible for me to be able to afford my North Carolina trip this year.  Unless I get a job like THIS week and am able to pay bills and save money between now and the beginning of April… it’s not gonna happen.  I just have to accept that some things are more important… and that it requires money to travel across the country.

*Sigh*

Today is Jake’s birthday.  17 years old.  It’s funny how your brain stores memories selectively.  Either a significantly memorable event, or sometimes just random ones.  This one is definitely significant, but considering I was only 8 years old 17 years ago, it’s surprising that I remember it so clearly.  I remember being told he had been born when I woke up that morning, then I remember going to the Payson Hospital and got to hold my very first nephew.  I remember thinking he was the tiniest human being I had ever seen… ’cause really at that point in my life, I doubt I had ever held a baby before, let alone seen many of them.  *Shrug*  I wanted to be with him ALL the time.  Every opportunity I got, I’d beg Lena and Ryan to let me sleep over at their house so I could play with Jake.  Then, they moved back in with us and I got to be with him all the time.  Man, I sure miss those days.  He’s just as cool to be around now… just… bigger.  Aw Jake!!!  You’ll always be my baby!! :'(

Anyway, that’s about it for now.  Happy Birthday Jake =)  I LOVE YOU!

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