Memories

I was just skimming through old pictures this morning and figured I’d remind myself of things that bring a smile to my face.  Seems like lately I don’t smile as much as I used to… I’m trying to fix that.  Slowly, but surely.

I brought Dustin home on Jan. 12th and spent every second I could with him.  In this picture, he is staring at the TV in awe, watching Jake play Super Mario Bros.  Everyone commented on how funny it was that Dustin was so focused on the game.  He’d turn his head back to me when I spoke.  He looked at me like “I know you!”

Shortly after he was born.  He seemed so confused (and almost annoyed!) at all the flashes going off and his picture being taken.  He’d blink and scrunch his nose at the flash, then look right at me like “What are they doing to me?!”  I couldn’t help but laugh.  His nose scrunching up was just adorable.  His nose was cold, so I kept kissing it to try to keep it warm.

Dustin’s first smile caught on camera.  I remember as clear as crystal when I got this picture.  I opened the envelope where Magui had sent about a dozen pictures.  I saw this picture and gasped, then sobbed while laughing.  I know totally sobby and girly, but wow… until you know how it feels to see your child’s first smile… don’t knock me! lol  For me, being able to see his first smile even though I was (and am not) with him, was the best gift I could have received.

One of my favorites, ever.  I can’t even say how wonderful it is to have pictures and be able to feel like, even in a small way, that I was able to see him grow.    I imagine Magui was laughing when she took this picture.

May, 2009.  I received a letter and a couple pictures that Dustin drew.  I love this picture.  Of COURSE I love it because HE drew it (it could have been scribbling lines and circles and I would have loved it just as much), but this picture is particularly special to me, because “Big Max” was my favorite book as a kid and probably still is one of my favorites.  For one of Dustin’s younger birthday’s, I gave him this book and told him that it was my favorite and about my Mom always reading it to me.  I still have my copy of this book sitting at my house as we speak.  It’s tattered and almost falling apart and scribbled on (I had a very bad habit as a young child of drawing/coloring in books), but I love it.  I love this he drew this.  It makes me feel like he knew it was something that was special to me.  I can’t really describe it in words, but… it was the best feeling.  Not to mention he’s seriously talented for a (at the time) 7 year old. 

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Ok, so work is slow today.  Could you tell?  Not a huge surprise either, I know… I have to really try to keep myself occupied, otherwise, well… I explained in my previous post what boredom ends up doing to me.  I’m looking forward to the weekend.  No particular reason other than, well… I’m bored.  Lisa briefly mentioned going camping this weekend (she bought a fancy shmancy camper trailer and she can’t wait to use it!) so we’ll see if we do (not sure!)

I’m going to the doctor on Tuesday.  I barely even want to talk about it, because I can’t even tell you how SICK I am of people telling me I exaggerate things.  lol.  I know most of the time it’s in a joking way, but honestly… if pisses me off more than I ever express.  People always imply that I’m just a baby or exaggerate, etc. and you know, REALLY, I have a fairly high threshold for pain.  I REALLY do, whether you want to think so or not, so if you only knew (or believed) the truth is I only express pain when it’s beyond a certain point.  When I complained of my side hurting a couple years ago and was told I was just being a baby… I had to laugh when the doctor came back and told me I had two broken ribs.  Or last year when I rolled the four wheeler and said my hand hurt.  I was told I was just being a baby and to suck it up, so I did… for a month.  A month went by and it was still pretty annoying and painful, so I snuck a doctor’s appointment and tried avoiding telling people.  The doctor literally stood speechless staring at my x-rays and told me it didn’t make any sense that I was still able to use the hand, with a broken (and twisted backwards) bone.  But nooo… just being a baby, right?  So… I’ve only told Bart and Robin (and David) about this doctor’s appointment.  If it ends up being nothing, then fine, I’m a baby… but seriously, LEAVE ME ALONE!  I’m admitting I’m in pain, which isn’t easy for me to do… doesn’t make me feel good to admit I’m hurting, NOR do I want the attention (GRRRR) so, just… shut it. 

We’ll see how it goes.