Society really doesn’t know much about adoption. At least the majority of people, I guess. I try not to let it bother me when people say insensitive or almost stupid things, thinking they’re actually helping me or making me feel better. I’ll give some tips for things to not say to a birth mother:
1. “I bet that was hard” – this isn’t necessarily insensitive, it’s just stupid. Shut up. No, it was the easiest thing in the world… are you serious?
2. “Just move on arleady” – There is no such thing as “moving on” when you gave life to someone. I’m pretty sure that every birth mother would agree with me that it doesn’t matter how many years go by, that child is always in your heart. I understand that when this is said, most people are basically implying that you should, you know, get a job, go to school, fall in love, maybe have more children of your own, etc. but still… it doesn’t matter how much my life changes, Dustin will always be the piece of my heart that is missing forever.
3. Anything implying that just because I cry, or get sad sometimes, that I must “regret” my decision to place him for adoption. Because I’m sad? Seriously? Not that I have to prove anything to anyone, but I will say it clearly… that no matter how sad I get and no matter how much it hurts and I miss him, I will never regret my decision. Even though I haven’t heard from his adoptive parents in three years and I don’t know why, no… I still don’t regret my decision. If I was that selfish, I would have just kept him in the first place, since that is what I wanted.
4. “Oh I could never do that” or “I don’t see how you could do that”. …again… shut up.
I shouldn’t be judgmental to people that don’t understand it, because logically, there’s no possible way. You can compare it to other things, like giving your goldfish away, you may even come close, but still… don’t TRY to understand something or pretend that you do, if you’ve never even come close to experiencing it for yourself. This is usually why I don’t really like telling people that I have a child. A lot of times, I have no problem talking about it and explaining a little about adoption, but when a person starts throwing out opinions and their views on it, I wish I had just answered “No, I don’t have any children.”
*Sigh*. I’m sorry for the useless rambling, but sadly, I feel better having vented it.