I made it through another year. Dustin is 7 years old. It really is surreal to think about. Sometimes I feel like it never happened, like I saw this all in a movie somewhere and my brain is just thinking it was me that lived it. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday that I had my baby in my arms, 7 lbs. 12 oz. 21 inches long. He had the longest fingers and all the nurses commented on how beautiful he was.
This past year has not been the easiest for me. A lot of things play into it, but I’m able to look back and actually feel proud of myself for living through it. This year will be better. I still haven’t heard from Dustin’s parents, nor do I expect to. I’m glad that I can acknowledge that as the truth now. I probably won’t hear from them, possibly forever. I just needed to accept it and I think I have. It doesn’t hurt any less, but at least it’s something real.
Yesterday was a good day and I only had one instance of random tears, but it only lasted about a minute and I wiped them away. We didn’t do anything special, just stayed home and stayed in pajamas and watched movies all day. It was good for me though. I’m so glad to have Bart around to hug. The past couple weeks, I’ve felt happier than I have in a very long time. I can’t think of a specific reason, I just know that I’m happy. Things feel “normal” again and I can feel myself improving my attitude and outlook on everything.
Well, Happy Birthday baby boy. I love you forever.