I’m glad that today was a busy day. It went a lot faster and I found that I didn’t have enough TIME to sit and be depressed, so that’s a good thing.
I got to work with my “replacement” (Katie) today and found that I actually really like her. She seems to have the same work “ethics” and habits as I do, which I like. She’s forward, upfront, firm and fast paced. She’s a quick learner, which I REALLY like because I don’t have to repeat myself over and over. It’s kind of sad that she’s replacing me though, because I would probably enjoy working with her every day. I decided that the reason today was such a good day was because I actually had someone working with me that was accomplishing things. This was basically her first work day and all I did was basically plop a huge stack of files in front of her and say “do this” (of course gave a quick explanation of what “this” was) and she just started doing it without any further question! I just feel SO amazingly overwhelmed every day when I’ve got this enormous “To Do” list and it’s physically impossible for me to do it all myself within the time frame I need it done. So, hopefully by the end of the week we will be in much better shape than we were a few days ago.
It was fairly amusing that almost everyone at College Terrace decided to renew their contracts TODAY (considering they were supposed to be renewed by the 15th), so that’s basically what we did at least 6 of the 8 hour work day. It makes me feel a little better though, maybe occupancy won’t completely plummet in August. The office is slowly getting a little more organized and I’ve found that the more organized it gets, the less it bothers me, but hey… I no longer really have the option of staying even if I wanted to, so I’m kinda out of luck either way. Meh.
Over the past few days… weeks… month ish… I’ve just been extremely depressed and bitchy. I have nothing to blame it on and I can’t explain it, but I wish I had more self control to not let things affect me. It’s starting to affect mine and Bart’s relationship because at this point, I don’t even think he wants to be around me… and who can blame him? I don’t even want to be around me. It’s annoying how the smallest things make me depressed, even if I try to laugh about it. Like Bart’s pill box being full this morning. I looked at it and felt almost… sad. I normally fill it for him and last night he filled it himself. That’s ridiculous that something like that would make me feel sad. I think I’m semi-insane. It just bothers me that I wake up every morning not wanting to even move out of bed. I make myself get out of bed and get ready for work. I make myself GO to work and once I’m there, every moment that goes by, I need to force myself to STAY there and ignore the depressing thoughts and concentrate on working. I work every day just begging for the weekend to come and then the weekend comes and all I’m doing it reminding myself that Monday is only a couple days away and there’s not even a point in the weekend. I dread every day that comes my way. I’m starting to feel extremely discouraged that maybe there isn’t a pill in the world that can cure my problems, but… I’m going to the doctor on Friday and that’s one thing I’m definitely going to bring up with him. I know that this isn’t normal and I haven’t always been like this, so theoredically, there’s something wrong with me, right? I just hope I have enough money to cover this doctors visit because I don’t need another bill making me more depressed. I hate how expensive health care is. It doesn’t make sense to me. If people want to be taken care of, it shoudn’t be so expensive!
I’m going to concentrate on cleaning the house tonight. I’ve decided I’m going to force myself to go camping this weekend with my family. I’ll go Saturday and Sunday, but I’m not taking time off work to camp the rest of the week (well, Monday thru Wednesday) because I can’t afford to take days off. I think it’ll be a good break and hopefully not too long. My goal is to be at least 50% “better” by Monday morning. I know that’s stretching it, but… I just need to make it happen. If my moods and attitude continue the way it has been, I can see myself losing a lot that I would rather not live without.
On to cleaning.