Well, I feel like one.
The past few weeks have been… scrambled. Confusing. Busy. Frustrating. I don’t even know if I can “fill in” everything between the last time I posted and now and I don’t know if I want to actually go into detail and talk about everything. Just a recap, to get it out of my mind and into words.
It’s been almost a month since I wrote. The second week of November (11th to be exact), a good friend of mine that I went to school with, committed suicide. We were shocked, to say the least. It will sound cliche, but no one had any idea things were as bad as they apparently were. I knew that he had some problems after returning from Iraq, but other than that, I don’t think many of us could see it coming. The funeral was probably the largest I’d ever been to. I’m told the viewing was packed as well, with people lining up, literally around the block from the mortuary. I didn’t go to the viewing. I think I may be glad that I didn’t, because my last image I have of him is NOT him laying in a coffin. Whether it’s a form of denial, I don’t know, but I don’t want that to be my last memory of him. Anyway, that’s that. I’m done talking about it.
That same weekend, Emily ended up in the hospital. That’s too long of a story and it hurts to think/talk about, besides, I don’t know if she wants the imformation shared. She lived, but barely.
Work has been insane, but still loving it. I can’t believe the year is almost over and I’m getting ready for W-2’s in January *Deep breath*. Hopefully it will go smoothly. I plan for it to!
Last week Nick and his wife were visiting his family for the Thanksgiving break and we hung out together on Wednesday night. I had tons of fun with them and discovered that his wife (Megan) and I have a TON in common. Just as I thought things were great, Megan stormed out almost in tears and to make a long story short, apparently Bart informed her that his first impression of her was that she was a controlling bitch. Woooonderful. Unfortunately, this upset Megan so much that she didn’t give him the chance to complete what he had intended to say. To be honest, none of us had a good first impression of her, but I think it was just surrounding circumstances that made it that way… BUT, after hanging out with her half the evening on Wednesday, we both quickly changed our opinion of her. She’s NOT the person we got the impression she was and I was really looking forward to getting to know her. Fortunately for me, she doesn’t hate ME because of what Bart said, which I appreciated… I hate when people hate someone for something their spouse/significant other did or said – we are separate people you know. Anyway, I’m really hoping we can clear the air between them. She and Nick are supposed to be moving up here sometime at the beginning of the year, which we were WAY excited about, but I hope she doesn’t still hate Bart :(. We shall see…
We had a long break last week. Bart and I both had Thursday and Friday off, so we got Wed. night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Woooo it was nice! We spent most of the time over at Zack’s and yesterday we worked on our safe, which is still sitting in Zack’s garage. We should be able to paint it and have it ready next weekend. I’m excited to bring it home and I know I’ll feel a lot better having somewhere safe to put my scrapbooks.
We got home around 10:30 last night and after getting messages from Sam, I checked my email where I found out that Emily is in the hospital, again. Apparently (or as far as I’m understanding), she did not react well to a Lunesta pill that she took to help her go to sleep. Fortunately, she was at Sam’s house when it happened, but Sam woke up in the middle of the night, thinking Emily needed another blanket and found her almost dead, lips purple and barely, barely breathing. I don’t know much more right now, but Emily is still in the hospital and will be for at least the rest of today. She’s lucky to be alive, especially after the episode a few weeks ago. I’m going up right after work to see her though. So of course today feels like it’s going slow. Not to mention today IS slow (work wise) so that isn’t helping. I wish I was busy.
Christmas is coming up, which means all the regular to-be-expected emotions of a birth mother come up as well. Logically, I don’t think I could really understand why the lonely feeling is so much more significant around Christmas. Maybe it’s because immediately after Christmas, is his birthday! I don’t know. I was stressing majorly about what to give him this year and Bart had a really great idea. I’m knitting hats! I’ve made him a hat and one for his brother as well. I’m going to make scarves as well, but need Lisa to show me how to croche. That should be interesting. I still haven’t decided what to give him for his birthday and I prefer to send his Christmas and birthday presents at the same time (mostly so I don’t have to make two trips to the agency and then neither do his parents.) I’m trying to remind myself not to be stressed – I still have a few weeks before Christmas! I was proud of myself for making the hats though They’re cute!
Our “Birth mom Buds” group is doing a “Secret Sister” gift giving. Names were picked at random and we basically get a stocking and give little treats and gifts for that person who’s name we get. I got Coley! I was SOOO excited, I literally squealed like a little girl. It’s random picking, so it was just coincidence. I’m SO happy!!! I already basically have everything that I want to send ready, but I haven’t gotten a stocking yet! Hopefully I can this week.
I’m not feeling well today. I really haven’t been feeling that great for quite a while, but today, I just wish I could go back to bed. My stomach is killing me and lets add killer, nauseating cramps on top of it!