My first entry

Posted by destiny on June 28, 2007 in 2007 Entries |

I figured since Bart took so much time to help me with this section of my site, I might as well use it to distract myself even though we’re not totally done with it. I’m currently at work, basically sitting here doing my routine of running reports and checking percentages, although realistically it’s not my job anymore and I can’t tell if I’m doing it out of habit or simply to keep my spirits up.

I’m trying really hard not to be depressed about this job “change”, but I can’t help it. I am sad and I’m disappointed, so all I can do from here is try to make the best of it until I can find a better job. I know it’s time to move on, but it’s kind of a hard thing to face when you’ve been with a company for so long. I hate the whole process of looking, applying for and starting a new job. In a way it can be exciting to start something new, but then again, it’s just starting back at the bottom, like you’ve reset your life.

I’m starting my new position at College Terrace/Remington on Monday (it’s either that or be completely unemployed, and I just can’t do that) and in a way I’m excited to go back to working in the office, but I can’t help but feel a bit insignificant considering I already did that job for 1+ year(s) and I’m moving backwards. You think that you’re supposed to move forward in life… but I just feel like I’m going backwards and not accomplishing anything.

My biggest problem right now isn’t the thought of looking for a new job… it’s the thought of not knowing what I want to do with my life (career wise). I’ve been thinking about going back to school, but realistically I just don’t know if that’s possible financially. I hate the thought of having to pay back student loans the rest of my life. I wish I could just pay for it upfront and just get a degree and move on with my life. I’m paying student loans right now for a degree I didn’t even finish. Every time I think about going back to school, I feel cornered. I have no idea what I want to do and no matter what I decide to do, I’m going to have to be able to maintain a full time job AND go to school and it’ll probably take me double the time to complete a degree because I need to keep working. Ugh. Why can’t people just go into a career and be taught THERE… What’s the point of a degree? Stupid.

I’ve been feeling really sick lately and it’s starting to get annoying. I am assuming it’s the medication because I don’t think I was feeling this way before. It feels like a mix between slight food poisoning, hunger and maybe heartburn… just lower in my stomach. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been sleeping very well. Even when I AM asleep, it doesn’t feel like I am and I wake up just as tired as I felt when I laid down. I’m trying to ignore it all and just keep going day to day, but it’s getting aggravating. It also started about when I started taking medication for A.D.D. I don’t know if it’s worth all this just so I can “concentrate” more. I think I’d rather be stupid and ditsy than feel sick all the time. *Sigh*… I dunno. I guess we’ll see how things go. I feel like I need a significant boost in my life. I don’t know where it’s going to come from…

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