January 11, 2015

This year on Dustin’s birthday, I find myself trying to focus more than ever on the amazing things I have in my life.  I often think too much about what I don’t have, what I don’t know about him, all the things I haven’t witnessed over the past 13 years… and this year is no different in the sense that yes, I do still think about all those things.  Actually, I think about those things even more the older he gets, because the older he gets, the more of an individual he would become, so I think about what kind of person he’s becoming.  But this year I’ve been focusing a lot more on what’s in front of me.  I’m not saying that I don’t think about him, but I do focus a lot on the child that I have with me and how blessed I am to have her.  I admit that sometimes I get extra jolts of emotion to my heart when I hug her and think of the one I can’t hug.

***This post was saved as a draft this year on Dustin’s birthday.  I wasn’t able to finish it and now I thought I might as well delete it since it’s been sitting as a draft for 9 months.  Instead, I’m going to post it as is, because that’s just what really happened.