What can I say, other than: Being a Mom is amazing. I’ve had some people tell me “you were already a Mom!” The fact is: I may have been a “Mother” for the last 11 years because I gave birth to a child, but… No. I have not been a Mom. I’ve never experienced raising my own child and getting to hold and kiss him/her any time I wanted to. I’ve never experienced breast feeding and changing diapers all day and all night and cuddling a fussy baby and knowing that baby just wants her Mommy. Me. And this experience so far has made my love for Dustin even stronger, knowing without a doubt in my mind (not that I had any doubts before…) that I made the absolute right decision for him. There is no way I could have handled raising him on my own or given him everything he deserved. I wouldn’t have been able to handle being responsible for him on my own. Taking care of a baby is difficult and during those difficult times when I’m overly tired and emotional, having the other parent is a huge help, but even more than that, when I look at Amelia’s smile, particularly when she’s grinning up at her Daddy, I can’t imagine having my child grow up without their Dad around full time.
When Bart and I stand side by side and Amelia looks up at his face and then mine and then back to his… and smiles… I can’t even really describe what that feels like. Dustin would not have had that if I’d chosen to raise him myself. I’m so grateful that he had/has that, even though it wasn’t with me. And I’m so grateful for Bart. He’s such an amazing Daddy. I knew he would be, but there was no way I could actually know how he would BE with a baby. His obvious and overwhelming adoration for Amelia brings tears to my eyes often… and his natural connection with her was instant. Someone actually warned him that with newborns sometimes the Dad doesn’t get a real connection for a couple months and that couldn’t be further from fact. Bart was hooked the SECOND she was born. I could practically see the shift in him the very moment she made her entrance. lol Truly, can’t really describe it.
So… we are now 2 1/2 months in to this adventure and we are loving it. She is amazing and has so much personality. She makes me laugh every single day and sometimes I admit I still get tears in my eyes just because of the overwhelming love I have when I look at her. Sometimes I look at her while she’s asleep and think “she’s still here… and she really is mine”. I hope that I never let myself take this for granted… being a Mommy. I hope that I never take for granted how big of a blessing it is that I am able to stay at home with her. A lot of people are not as fortunate and I am so grateful to Bart for not only making it possible by how hard he works, but for being so amazingly supportive and wanting the same things for our child. We both felt strongly that it was best for her to be raised by US, not by a daycare… but I would be lying if I am not a little selfish in it… it’s not just for her. It really is for me as well. When I made the decision to place Dustin for adoption, I promised him that someday I would be the kind of parent I was unable to be for him. It wasn’t a silent promise… I spoke the words and held him close and promised that I would do my best. I know it might sound like a strange promise because me being a mother to another child doesn’t benefit him personally, but to me it was something I needed to promise him. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to keep that promise on my own and I’m extremely lucky to have such an amazing partner in my life.
It really is amazing how fast Amelia is growing. I can literally see changes every day. Sometimes when I get her out of bed in the morning, I feel like she’s grown half an inch overnight! (Hey, she might have!)
Sometimes when I’m holding her and she’s asleep on my chest, I think that this little thing was in my belly not too long ago and that she wouldn’t fit in there with how big she’s gotten! As of Sunday, she was about 10 1/2 lbs. Holy guacamole. It really is a bitter-sweet thing. Of course I want to see her grow and be healthy and progress in life, but I sure wish she could stay this little and cuddly.
Amelia is a super happy, smiley baby. Over the past couple weeks, she’s been discovering more and more that the sounds she’s hearing are coming out of her. LOL She “talks” all the time and smiles while she’s talking, as if she’s proud of herself. She’s been trying to laugh and the sound cracks me up and I can’t stop grinning. I can’t wait for her to really laugh, but just knowing that she IS laughing (just not making the sound) is almost indescribable. I could just burst with the amount of love that overwhelms me every single day.
This, my friends, is what we refer to as “Stretch Face”. She does it every single day when she is waking up (morning, nap, etc.) One of the reasons this face makes me laugh SO much is because it is the EXACT same face that Bart makes when he’s stretching. Literally, the exact. same. face. Picture it on a 27 year old man… Are you picturing it? HAHAHAHAHA I love them so much. Along those same lines, Amelia is the stretchiest (is that a word?) baby I have ever seen. This is a source of my laughter EVERY single day. When she wakes up in the morning in particular and I un-swaddle her, she stretches SO dramatically and groans and growls SUPER loudly for a good 2-3 minutes after waking up. I will just sit there and laugh and laugh and laugh until she’s done. Even me describing it doesn’t do it justice. I’ve attempted to get it on video a few times (which I don’t have on this laptop, so I’m going to need to upload them at some point… maybe create a “Stretchy Melia” montage. LOL My oh my, it’s one of the funniest things in the world. Trust me.
Her smiley face cures almost ANYTHING that ails me, almost instantly. Seriously, how can you look at a face like that and not be on cloud 9? LOL
This is one of my current favorite outfits. I think bright colors suit her personality really well. (Those pants are BRIGHT orange, but I notice they don’t really look it in this picture). And her hair has started doing this on it’s own. It grows to the side so sometimes it almost looks like she has a comb-over. I love it. LOL
Well, I’ve been trying to post this for 2 days now and I have to stop again, so I might as well just post as is. LOL I’ll update more later