Changes

“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”  ~Robert C. Gallagher

Well, seems like a lot has changed over just the past few days.  Realistically, not a ton has happened, but I definitely feel like a lot has changed.  I’ll cut right to the chase… on Friday (the 10th) my co-worker and I were informed that Friday, September 17th will be our last day working here.  Neither of us were surprised, because when the new company took over last year, then the economy really started affecting a lot of our clients (and things got slower and slower around here) I knew it was only a matter of time until they laid us off.  And my exact prediction came true.  All clients and payrolls are being transferred to the Vegas office and the Utah office will no longer exist as far as payrolls go.  Kent will still be here, as well as Becky – doing what exactly, I’m not positive, but… not payrolls.  Most people immediately offer sympathy when I tell them, but honestly at this point, right this moment, I feel happier than I have in quite some time.  A lot of people know I’ve been slowly declining and have not fully enjoyed my job for a while.  Not because I don’t love my job and definitely not because I don’t love my clients, but because things have been so slow, that it seems like I spend more of my time sitting here doing nothing, than actually working.  Not because I choose to be lazy, but because I have NOTHING to do.  It hasn’t been good for me.  I’ve noticed myself getting more and more depressed as time went on.  So, not only was I NOT surprised when Kent informed us on Friday that we were being laid off, but I was actually relieved.  I had a few tears after I left the office, but I’m still not sure if those were tears because I’m worried about what to do, or if they were tears of relief.  Tension releasing from me.  I don’t love the idea of being unemployed and I do hope that I can find another job quickly, but really, not even that matters to me at the moment.  I just feel a little lighter, thinking of the possibilities ahead.  Not to mention I do have an “idea” on my mind that I hope to put into effect sometime this week and see what comes of it.  I’d rather not mention it at the moment though.  Cross your fingers that it’ll work for me

I don’t really know the details of what’s happening yet, as far as what my clients are going to do, who they’ll contact now instead of me, etc. but I definitely feel kinda uneasy about that.  I know it’s probably silly to most people that considering everything, my main concern right now is that my clients don’t suffer because of this change.  They’re not going to have very much notice and I hope it’s not difficult on them, as far as getting their payrolls done when they need to, having someone give them adequate help when they need it, etc.  I just don’t know, so I feel sad.  I’m definitely going to miss the people I work with.  A few of them in particular, I’ll be sure to keep contact info. for so we don’t lose touch.  It’s amazing how close you can get to people that you’re working with/for.  I’ve worked with these people for the past three years and it really does make me sad to know I won’t be talking to them every week anymore.  *Sigh*  Change is inevitable though.  And I’m reminding myself that with each job I’ve been laid off from in the past (yup, this makes #3) better opportunities and experiences have resulted from it.  I’m confident something good will come of this.  I’m also extremely lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend.  Bart doesn’t let me worry about money.  He tells me often that he knows we’ll be ok.  Everything works out.  It’s true too.  It always does, regardless of how little money we have sometimes.  It always works out and I love that my happiness is more important to him than the income.  I’m lucky in so many ways to have him, but this is just one of the many examples.  I also love knowing that if he had the means, he’d do everything he could to allow me to stay home and write.  It’s not an intelligent idea right now for me to completely not work and stay home and write, but I love that he wants that for me.  I love that he cares about my dreams.  Either way, maybe I’ll have more time to write now   I don’t think he ever reads my blog, but still… even though I tell him I love him every day and make a conscious effort to tell him I appreciate him… I hope he really knows how much he means to me.