Plaaaahooie

I’m nervous/anxious for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.  Nervous I guess because of the “unknown” and allowing my mind to process all these different “what if’s” (that I wish I didn’t do!) and anxious because in a very strange way, I’m excited to think that maybe it’s fixable and I don’t have to live the rest of my life like this.  I can’t completely imagine how it would be without this problem.  So, although it might sound weird, I almost hope they do find something that’s like “oh, yeah… we can fix that!” and just get it fixed and done with.  On the other hand… I’m sort of dreading the “what if” as in… what if they can’t find anything and I just simply have to live with the pain the rest of my life?  I mean, if it’s nothing serious and it won’t kill me, I can deal with it… and it’s been long enough already that yeah, I think I’d just continue trying to ignore it and laying in the fetal position when I can’t.  But man, I sure hope it’s fixable.  I’ve ignored it for WAY too long and I’m to the point now where I am just praying something is seriously wrong so they can just remove my organs or something, sew me back up and say “ok, no more pain!”  Woohoo!  Well ok.  Tomorrow at 4:00, I should find out.  So, we’ll see.